Monday, July 13, 2009

July 14th, A Time To Reflect

I posted this poem I had written for my fourteen year old daughter who passed...yes, NINE years ago...already? When we begin to walk hand in hand again with time, and then it is behind us...we can hardly believe we have lost anything, but I will always love and remember...Anelisa Diane Dillion...a beautiful soul...

...she will pull away and cry out
"my baby, my baby, is gone"

days, hours, months, a year go by
the pain lessens, worsens... dissipates
the journey has only begun...

Memories flood the mind, words occupy
others have shared come back in pieces
sad stories on the news become water over fingers
until the heart repairs... for now...

A Mother’s Heart Speaks Volumes


Early morning hours bring
my daughter; again
to my bedside
complaining of sleeplessness

Her heart
once again
S H O U T I N G discomfort

Hours of her
in my bed, crying
tossing in, tossing out the racing moments

I am naked, helpless
her fragile body
begging me to make it stop
I offer prayer; soft arms
a tangible mom against the shadow

Fourteen this woman child
more beautiful than could hope to be
She-my youth incarnate-
my blissful fantasies

how can her diseased heat
escape its chamber,
beating on its walls
S H O U T I N G…

Tears collapse onto her shoulders
before sleep can steal a soft reprieve

Moments, months, hope, now fear…
I do not see her older
I will not share her first kiss
I will never hold my grandchildren
I will only share what she has told me-in company with that secret smile

Her laugh now stilled
is heard by all that knew her
Her pain opened my eyes
set flight to my selfish anxiety

Early morning hours deliver
Ane’s memory to my bedside
Now my weary heart escapes its chamber,
beating on its walls
S H O U T I N G …for all that it misses

-E Stelling, 2002

4 comments:

Artist Unplugged said...

Wow, what can I say, such poignant words that describe pain that probably is indescribable. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you, I know there will always be a very large void until you are with her again. Many big hugs...

dash deringer said...

beautiful and painful...
I have always believed that parents pass along pieces of their soul to their children... part of their light... this keeps us connected always... through life and death... like the breath of GOD that we carry in our lungs

Denise said...

Can't imagine what it was like for her, for you. I'm sure it is ongoing experience to process and forever will be apart of you. Your poetry is beautiful. very moving.

shabby girl said...

Such a poignant piece! But beautifully written.